When we dictate, they escalate

“It’s not what they say. It’s how they say it.”

This recurring feedback, brought up again by ARQRV President Judy Mayfield during this week’s Lunch & Learn set off alarm bells.

The way managers communicate with residents remains one of the most common points of friction in retirement villages. It’s not about being perfect, but when residents still feel dismissed or managed at, not with, it’s time for a reset.

As Kath Harvey from Queensland Regulatory Services pointed out, “the more you talk to your residents, the less they will come and talk to us.”

That’s not just a clever line, it’s a roadmap.

Consistent, clear, and authentic communication helps village managers stay ahead of small issues before they escalate into formal complaints. It’s not regulatory compliance that builds trust, it’s relationships.

There’s a big difference between managing a community and running a facility. Residents notice when village managers listen, share, explain, and invite collaboration. They also notice when instructions are given, concerns dismissed, and policies are implemented like a stick.

When that happens, residents will stop raising issues with you and escalate them. Most likely, with the regulator.

Authentic communication isn’t soft, it’s smart. It’s about being present, being transparent, and staying alert to what’s happening between the lines. As Cat Matson says, vigilance is one of the most underappreciated communication skills. It means staying sensitive to shifts in tone, body language, and community sentiment, long before a problem lands on your desk.

We need to move beyond the old-school mentality that compliance equals competence. Communication isn’t just about conveying rules – it’s about building a shared understanding and culture. And that starts with asking more questions, not giving more directions.

The goal? Fewer residents going to Judy for help. Fewer complaints landing with Kath. And a stronger sense of community and mutual respect in our villages.

Because when we communicate well, we don’t need to dictate.